Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there was a trapeze. enough said
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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