UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
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and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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