I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
