just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We don't watch enough power rangers
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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