is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
