Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
