Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Couch. On fire.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
