I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You ruined the universe
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize