The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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