Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
