when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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