just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
