my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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