If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
