im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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