I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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