even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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