I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
