Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
