you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
