What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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