Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
