How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
