Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
high people should be assigned attendants
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
