so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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