is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
