So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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