Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
