you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
