omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
