one might say we're banned from that church
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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