your thong is hanging out like whoa
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
