He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
