YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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