i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
