I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
tell me about the eggs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
