And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
