I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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