dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
