i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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