:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
