I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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