He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
