We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
