Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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