My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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