I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
