I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
