i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
