Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize