Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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