I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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