Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
operation have a gay friend backfired
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
