I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
