Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
