I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
