I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
