Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
