Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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