she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
