Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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