Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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