Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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