My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
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You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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