I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
