Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Randomize
