...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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